God is urging me to write, to rest, to take each entire day and use it, to embrace who I've been this entire time. Who am I? Flawed, beautiful, loving, loved.
I went to Chester Monthly Meeting last Sunday and felt a deep sense of the Spirit, both among the people and within the physical place. Adams came with me; we intend to start attending Meeting regularly again, which we haven't done as a couple since we lived in Urbana, Illinois.
I recently decided not to apply for membership in the Friends of Jesus Fellowship; I have been given an understanding of God that includes Jesus as a healer and teacher but not as God himself. This was hard to see for a long time, but now that I've admitted it, I feel confirmed and ready to move ahead. It was also sad because I wanted a spiritual community so badly that in a way, I would have said anything to be part of it. I also wanted to follow Jesus because my extended family is Catholic, and that has been a connection we could share. But my faith is pointing in a different direction. I think it will probably keep evolving; if our faith isn't growing, we're not growing. It may even lead back the way I've come.
God is leading me to worship and pray with people of all walks of life, which I welcome with my whole heart. I am also being called to a closer examination of my own beliefs (which is frustrating, but I'm trying to welcome it, too!).
After December 7, my teaching load for the fall semester at La Salle will be over. I have decided not to go back to teaching in the spring. At this moment I am called to write, volunteer, and spend time with people socially and spiritually. I don't know where this will go, but I trust God to lead me.